Happy New Year to you all!

(I can still say that, can’t I?)

I’m pleased to be in the month of January, in a brand new year.

My teenage boy struggled a bit in the Christmas holidays as his routine was all over the place, late waking up, late going to bed, lots of down time, drifting onto his computer every chance he got.

Sounds great doesn’t it- but for a child with autism this can be challenging, and thereby challenging for the family.

We’ve begun the year with him on a social awareness programme in school and us as parents on a six-week parenting course, further research for support on the cards.

Why am I telling you this? Because I made a decision to do something about it.

We needed to make change, to support our boy and our family.

We’re by no means sorted, we’re on a journey but without a head in the sand, solution-focused all the way.

Although to make change for ourselves, this can be more challenging. We can often find it easier to achieve this if it involves someone else, our self-talk can be less encouraging, less proactive, so we can find ourselves just tiddling along as we are and not achieving what we want from our day to day life.

If you yourself struggle with anxiety or low self esteem, making this change can seem like an impossible feat.

So how about if we change the way we think about anxiety?

What if we don’t try to make it go away, but instead begin by recognising it and getting to understand it for what it is.

When I explain to a client how our brain works, I talk to them about how their body would react if they encountered a polar bear in their path. Phew, the mind and body would go straight to the Amygdala (fight/flight/freeze) and quite understandably we’d be off like a shot.

But if we don’t face our polar bears head-on we will find that they seem to get bigger or that there are more of them in our daily lives, problem by problem.

We need to get to know that polar bear!

Now, it’s very important that our Amygdala alerts us in the genuine circumstances of danger but we need it to hush when the situation is just a feeling and not a fact.

So if you are beginning this new year wanting it to be better than the last, how about seeing situations that cause you anxiety as little hurdles to overcome, and striving daily with small steps towards empowering your mind.

I decided my small steps would be to up my running, to be outside in nature whilst I exercise. This makes me feel alive and energised; I won’t allow my primitive mind to feel worried and anxious about how I can support my son, I’m taking steps towards supporting him and taking steps towards supporting myself.

I also joined a choir, something I’d talked about doing for many years but always felt that polar bear feeling, making excuses- how can I go alone?- where would I go?- I wouldn’t have the time. 

I’ve only been to two sessions but I absolutely love it already. It’s quite amazing how singing in a large group makes you feel.

So, this year, you don’t need to make big annual plans for change (although you can if you’re ready to!). Just begin to recognise where you are and decide what the next step is for you to increase your happiness.

Don’t spend time trying to make others recognise your needs. Once you recognise your needs, others will too.

My son is starting a journal. We discussed this after a Zoom I attended on supporting our children with Dr Pooky Knightsmith. I hope it will be a tool for him to brain dump whenever he feels worried, excited about future events, or when he wants to express feelings that he doesn’t want to share.

Awareness allows the Amygdala to re-programme. We don’t want anxiety to go away; sometimes it keeps us safe. We just need to understand its needs.

Enjoy the rest of your January, I’m off to Mallorca at the weekend with my husband, just the two of us for some sunshine, nice food and quality time, planning to increase those levels of serotonin with positive thinking, positive actions and positive interactions.

Enjoy the rest of your month, if you need me, my inbox is always open.

Love,

Karen.